Supporter Tips

It is not your job to “fix” the person. Your role is to be a great partner, cheering your loved one on and helping them to stay focused and hopeful. You are not expected to be an expert or have all the answers. Remember, it is their journey, not yours.

Supporters can overcome the “fixer” mindset by practicing “Empathetic Detachment”. Empathetic Detachment means that you care about your loved one and empathize with their situation but embrace that you are not responsible for changing it. Instead, provide a safe space for the person who is struggling and allow them to determine what level of support will help them most at that point in time. If you are asked for a solution, try suggesting how you can work together to find possible ways forward.

Helping someone with mental health issues can put supporters on the proverbial “emotional rollercoaster,” with “up” times and “down” ones. Don’t give up! Stay connected and be sure to take care of yourself too.

Some days you feel that you know just what to do to be helpful and it seems to be working. Other days, it can feel like everything is going backwards and you feel frustrated, helpless, anxious or overwhelmed.

Practice empathy, not just sympathy. It will give everyone time to calm down and it will give you time – and the emotional space – to offer one of your most powerful gifts: the capacity to be an empathic supporter. Here’s where it’s also important to remind yourself that this isn’t about you. You are likely to be disappointed if you start this journey expecting to be fulfilled and appreciated every day—and maybe even at all.

Finally, it’s important to take steps that give you the strength, resilience and energy to be an effective supporter of someone managing mental health issues. Offering care to someone starts with caring for yourself.

Hope is one of the most important gifts supporters can bring to the mental health journey. Your hope empowers the person you care about to begin to imagine a better life, even when they cannot envision it on their own.

Support the fact that everyone – no matter how severe their mental health challenges – can put together a vision of hope in their own words. Help the person to write down their vision for the future, to help make it more real and concrete. Encourage them to not sell themselves short and reinforce that they can achieve a life with happiness, self-worth and meaning.

Recognize that hope is very fragile.  It is easy for someone who is just beginning to create their vision to be crushed, sometimes by casual or even well-meaning comments. Remember that this isn’t about your vision or goals for the person. Instead, support their vision for themselves, even if aspects seem unrealistic to you at first.   Over time, the person may - as we all do - adjust some specifics to adapt to current realities and new opportunities, while the intent of the goal remains intact. If you can offer positive encouragement, the person you are trying to help will be more appreciative of your support and more likely to make progress.